Rummaging through the desk drawer..my fingers plummeted deep beneath papers. Fingertips desperately searching, until I found it. A plain white, unlined, notepad. Ferociously, I wrenched it from the drawer and grabbed a glass jar of thumbtacks from the shelf. I quickly retreated to the kitchen. At, the far end.. lies an empty wall; my firing target.
I threw the things on the kitchen table, yanked a black marker from my back pocket, and wrote erratically. I scribbled..then ripped. Scribbled then ripped... scribbling and ripping
HURT
CHEAT
ABANDONMENT
DISRESPECT
HATE
USED
LIES
PUSH
SPIT
DRAGGED
RAPE
SLAP
ABUSED
NEVER LOVED ME
NEVER CARED
GAVE UP ON ME
GONE
...with tears melting into my cheek, I snatched the pages from the table and pinned each one to the wall..a circle I formed...
...quickly I ran to the bedroom closet, on top of a chair I climbed, tossing shoe boxes, scarves, clothes, purses, anything and everything that was in my way..I threw...until I found it "Got it."
On the floor fell the metal box..
Leaping down, I rushed to the corner of the room, near the bed, I knelt. Plucking away at the edge of a loose floor panel, I released the key.
With the box and key..I ran to the kitchen...dropped it on the table, opening, ..peering, "Beautiful."
Firmly placed in hand, I gripped the silver gun..with my eye on the target I shot.
I shot..I fired..I shot..I fired.. I executed..I annihilated..I massacred, I obliterated, I assassinated, I slaughtered....I killed it all.
Disappointment lay dead. Ripped to shreds and riddled with bullets, on the cold floor.
Smiling, I blew the smoke from the tip of my piece, grabbed my purse and off to the market I skipped.
Excerpt from the book "Brownslip A Loose Woman's Memoir'.
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